Which Way Do You Go?

I have been a mom for 19 years now, it seems that I am so confused sometimes and that I wonder if I am doing it right. I wonder if the words I say, the rules I laid down, and the teachings from God's word and praying them through without succumbing to the influences of society, if that will be enough. So many times they tell me they look up to me, that I am their best friend, but how long will that last? How long will they see me as an authority figure and a friend? Did they ever see me as both? Does it even matter anymore.

Then I think my goodness girl, LOOK at these kids, look at how amazing they are; they give their all to you, to please you, even when they don't always do it. Sometimes you just keep speaking, teaching, and praying, and you pray that you are the loudest voice they hear over and above all the outside influences in their lives. You have taught them to Be Still and Listen to the Lord. To know that He is God and Lord of all, but you also pray that they don't forsake the things you have taught them, that they won't forget the words you have said, and the example you tried to be for them.

I have never hid my past from my children. I am not ashamed of my past, I don't regret it either, I feel that my past, all the mistakes I made, all the troubles, and all the successes, they all make me who I am today. By the grace of God, I have found who I am, I have found the path that God has set for me. He has shown me which way to go, and I am not turning back.

I pray that in the days, weeks, months, and years to come, that my children will be able to remember all the things I have taught them, they will remember the things I have learned and have tried to show them how God has turned my life around and how He can be the LEADER and LORD of their lives, to show how God will show them the paths of righteousness and truth that God has for them. I tried to show them how to live Holy, Separated and how to walk in HIS light, in HIS truth, and HIS way for HIS children to go. I pray they won't get tired of hearing His voice, or grow weary of me speaking the things of God to them regularly.

I know in my heart, with everything in me, that my God, is the ONLY way for me. I have tried the others, they only lead to unhappiness, loneliness, despair, and shame. I have not always been so proud of the things I have done, but I am proud beyond all belief of my children, I am happy with my life and the love in my life. I am so glad that I found it before it was too late, and I am so happy that He has touched my life in so many ways.

Everyone has to find their own path, they have to make the decision on their own, whether to follow God or to follow the things of the world, they have to know what will make them happy and what will make them miserable. But in my on wanderings and going astray, I can truly tell you, that once I realized that in following the path of God, taking the step towards renewing my mind, creating the mindset that the Word of God was true and right, it gave me clarity, faith, hope, and so much peace beyond all belief. He gives me peace. No more anxiety of the future, of the past, or how I can be forgiven, live the life that God has for me. I know, that I know, that I know that I am on the path that God has set my feet to, that I am walking with the right man by my side, and that the teachings I am giving to my children are right and true. Thank you God for that peace, thank you God for that undeniable, unshakable faith and hope that is in my heart and my mind. I know it is all going to work out for the good of the Lord. Some how, some way, I don't know, be I am not the one in control. HE IS.