Not What I Was

You know, growing up in a Christian home, we had drilled into us over and over again how important it is, every day to be very careful and conscious of our actions and testimony before others and God. I remember hearing over and over again that my testimony is so important before our fellow man, because once you ruin it with someone you can not ever get it back with that person.

I remember thinking, really? That is so not fair, what about second chances? What about the fact that no matter what we do wrong, God will forgive us when we ask for it and He will give us chance after chance to get it right. I also know the Bible says God "forgives your sins as far as east is from the west to remember them no more," so if God forgives and forgets, so should the people we know and even the ones we don't, right? Right... Well, I learned quickly, in the "real world" it doesn't work that way at all. People hold grudges, even people we don't know, will hold everything in your past against you. 

Is that really fair, no not really, but I know that we as human beings, we are the most judgmental bunch on the planet. We will constantly remind you over and over again of all your past transgressions, even when you think it is done and over with, just one day, out of the blue, usually YEARS LATER, they will say, "oh but that one time..." I just want to say, "oh really, you want to go there now? What about...?" I try so hard not to do that, I try with everything in me to not be like everyone else I know, but sometimes, when you are right in the middle of the most irritating conversation and immature attitudes, even I have found myself acting a bit "high schoolish" too. I am not proud of that part of me, but I have been known to be a bit immature once in a while.

Through the grace of God though, I have found myself through the more recent years, to be less back biting, and less childish when someone begins to throw my past in my face. I really had to face a time through my life, when God called me to a place of ministry and to a place of worth in my walk and in His will, that I have had to allow the Holy Spirit to lead an guide my walk and my talk when others begin to bring up things in my past that I am not necessarily proud of, but happened anyway. I know that God has forgiven me, I know God has called me out into the world to preach the Gospel, to teach and be a light to young women, teens, wives, their spouses, families, and even recently, God has shown my husband and I, there should never be a limit to our outreach. He wants all to come to salvation and repentance, so our ministry should not be limited to just a few. 

God has shown me my way through His will, am I there all the way yet? No, definitely not, He works on me, with me, and through me day after day, and I am learning each day how much more I need to grow and depend on Him, but that I must also be that beacon for anyone else who needs Him, needs to be pointed to the way to God. The Holy Spirit is living in me, working through me, and showing me and giving me more and more of the fruit of the spirit every day. No I am not the most patient, but God is building patience through all of our tests, trials, and through my daily growth in Him.

I am learning how to not just let the Holy Spirit live in me, but to consume me, so that I am filled to over flowing with God's love. Renewing my mind and sanctifying myself daily is a big part of it, but also, through reading the Bible, having real, meaningful conversations with my Lord, and thanking Him for sending Christ to die on the Cross for me to have eternal life, which causes me to spend more time in worship and praise with Him, which draws Him nearer, makes my day fuller and even more full of joy than you can imagine. 

The Bible says that "He inhabits the praises of His people..." which is what draws the Lord near, and I find the peace that I need to be still and listen to God, to know that no matter what the trial, no matter who reminds me of my past, "one more time..." God reminds me, with all His love, It is NOT what I was, but What and Who I am in Christ, NOW that is important, that is what qualifies me to be His Child and to work for Him now. That is what helps me to be the best I can be, to live my life in Christ without lies from Satan, without pain and heartache that Satan gives others to pass on to me, but to live my life IN CHRIST, as HIS CHILD, holy, righteous, and separated for His work, and His leading. 

You can to, just let God work in your life. Let Him change your heart, let Him change your mind and life. He can help you see what you can become through a life full of the Holy Spirit and through His love. You can see that you are worthy, you can see that you are loved. He says in Jeremiah, "before you were out of the womb, I knew you and called you..."  You have been called out, ordained to a higher calling in a life with Christ living in you, through you, and for you. Will you let Him be your guide and strength? 

No Turning Back!

Sometimes we wonder why we have to go through the things we go through in our lives. Is it God's test, Karma, Bad MOJO, or is it just plain bad luck? I know that many would say, "it is just the way life goes sometimes" I just don't believe that at all, I don't believe life could just happen to always go down hill for one person or another, and then another have nothing but Sunshine and Roses, for everything they touch, and it just "is that way." There has to be a reason, but what it is, I will never know. 

I have been raised that you just keep on, keeping on, through the good times, bad times, through strength and trials. That everything happens for "God's plan" and that "everything works together for good, to those who love the Lord, to them who are called, according to His purpose." No matter what, you don't question God's will, you just do what you have to do for God, You share God's love and grace to others, and God will take care of the rest.

I know this to be true, to be ready day in and day out for anything that comes our way, good, bad and the ugly. As a Child of God, I know beyond all doubt that He is always there, that He has promised to be your strength and guide and to always give you a way of escape. I know that with every trial there comes a victory. Satan will keep pouncing on you, and keep at you when you are walking with God, when you are doing the things that God wants you to do, the things and go the places that God has set your feet to go. Satan wants to see if there is a final breaking point. He wants to see you writhe in fear and torment. ONLY because he knows one day, he will spend an eternity in Hell doing the same with no relief in sight, ever, so he wants to see God's Children suffer as long and as much as he can before he gets there. 

I look at all we have went through this past couple of years, all we have lost and struggled with this past year, and somedays when I begin to wonder and question how much longer, I stop my self, I turn to God and pray. I look through the scriptures to see comfort and peace. I look at all God's Children have went through and all that have suffered for the cause of Christ. I think, wow, even with all that has been lost or all that is gone from my life, and I am still doing better than Job, David, Saul, and Solomon. I feel blessed that God has chosen me to serve Him, I feel humbled that for the choices I have made and the steps I walk with God every day, Satan has seen me, little ole' me, as a threat to his "master plan," for who am I? 

I find myself feeling blessed and humbled that God has CHOSEN me, for His cause. That God sees something inside of me, that has worth in His Kingdom. I am so amazed that God has seen something in me, that He looked beyond all my faults, my wandering and going astray, and called me to a life of service, to a life suitable for His Kingdom and His Glory. I am His Child. I am God's Child. I want to follow HIM everyday, no matter what the circumstances, no matter the trial or test that Satan puts in my way, I WILL SERVE and PRAISE GOD, NO MATTER WHAT, for He is my refuge and my strength. 

Everything, all tests, trials, ups and downs, the loss and gain, will all be worth it someday, when I see Him face to face, when my Children stand before God all together and say, our family is here because we stood, faithful and strong. We served you, we held on to each other and to your strong hand, to work for you, to love you, and to love others to the Kingdom of God. I know I can't wait to hear Him say, "Well Done, My Good and Faithful Servants, Come on in."